God Has a Plan

When I was growing up I used to sing a song in church that has been in my head all day.  The words that are really sticking with me are:

"My life is a gift, my life has a plan, my life has a purpose in Heaven it began."

My life has a plan.  How often do we forget that in Heaven a plan was set out for us.  God knows where were going and how we are going to get there.  Sometimes we don't like his plan.  I have often found myself wondering why he won't just listen to me and my plan.  Because in my infinite wisdom I must know better then God does.

I recently have been going through things in life that have made me wonder what God's plan is for Jeremy and I and why it can't be more like my plan for us. It seems so simple to me.  There are things that I want for us and I think that God should give them to me just because I want them.

But now I have stepped out of my selfishness for just a minute and analyzed my thoughts. I have seen many children, and even some adults who's parents gave them everything.  They didn't work for what they had, they were never told no as children and usually they aren't my favorite people.  They don't understand the value of the things they have.  They don't know the sadness of not getting what you want.  They don't know the joy of getting something even better after you've struggled for it. They do not know the joy of patiently waiting in order to get a wonderful gift because it has always been given to them as soon as they ask.

Wait.  Did I really just say that waiting patiently is joyful?  I hope I am not alone in saying that it often is not joyful for me.  Waiting is hard and I rarely do it patiently.  But so many in the Bible have had to wait and when they did so great things came to them.  Hebrews 6:13-15 says so beautifully that God will deliver upon his promises to us.  He will carry out great things in our lives if we wait patiently.

Here is the hard part for me to deal with.  Just because we wait patiently doesn't mean we will get the things we want.  But we will get the things God has in store for us.  Which, even though we may not know the reason for these things they are exactly what we need in our lives.

I have prayed to God for things that I feel are realistic blessings to ask for.  Have I received these things?  Some of them yes, many of them no.  Do I still pray for them?  Yes I do.  Has not having those prayers answered in the way I want them to be been hard on me?  Very.  I hate to admit this but it has gone as far as to shake my faith.  But by having my faith shaken, broken down in a way, God is now able to build me up to be what he wants me to be.  He is able to use me in the way that He has always planned.

Ephesians 2:10 states "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them."

That is so powerful to me.  God's plan for me is ordained in Heaven.  How awesome is that.  I am created for good works, to be used by God.

I still don't know what God's plan for us is.  I probably never will in this life.  But I know that part of the plan is for us to grow in our faith of him, to do all we can to be Christ like examples, to be the best Christians we can be.  I know that I have been given so much love to share with others.  I don't know all of the ways that I am to share this love nor do I know how this love is affecting or will affect the lives of others.  But I know that God has a plan and He is using me to build his kingdom.  And I am proud to be a daughter of the King!

Don't throw big words around

I have been upset about something I read for a few days now and I decided I needed to voice my concern.

I read a post about a "Special Needs" group.  I won't expand on where this group was at or who they were affiliated with because that would get me on a soap box that I don't want to be on right now.  Right now I'm on a different soap box.

The description of the group of "special needs" people said that individuals included in the group had Down Syndrome, Autism Spectrum Disorders and Bipolar.   EXCUSE ME?  Bipolar?  I AM NOT SPECIAL NEEDS!!!!  I don't think I can stress this point enough.  I myself, and several of my bipolar friends are perfectly functional.  You couldn't pick us out in a crowd.  And I mean that.  We are no different then anyone else.  Yes I take medication that others don't but that's about the only difference between me and you on a functional level.

I work with "special needs" kids and they are some of the sweetest individuals I have ever met.  I get wonderful loving hugs and smiles from them that brighten my day.  I in no way look down on people who are special needs.  I think its great when they are loved and supported enough to go on to live out their dreams such as graduating, going on to other training such as college or technical training, living on their own or holding down a job.  But to me "special needs" means you have a special need.  You need that extra support to help make the meals, or a job coach to remind you where to put the items you are stocking, or extreme amounts of physical support.  And to be completely honest I know people who would be considered "special needs" that I don't consider "special needs".  Every one is different and has different needs and skills.
I won't lie.  I was pretty upset when I read this post.  I think it is horrible that a group was made just for "special needs" individuals when this organization has TONS of other groups.  Why can't the "special needs" individuals be mainstreamed into the already existing groups?  Why do they have to be put in their own category.  Yes some of them may need supports that those in the other groups don't need but do they really need to be put in their own category.

We have had the discussion at work that most people be they "special needs" or not will live up to the expectations given of them.  If you separate out all the "special needs" and give them their own set of expectations that's where they will function.  If you put people of all functional levels together and hold a reasonable standard of expectations for them they will all rise as close to those expectations as possible.  Now I know that not everyone can achieve the same things but we can all be successful in our own way.  And you never know how successful you can be until you are pushed to your limits.

But back to the bipolar thing. Mental illness is a real thing.  I don't want anyone here to think that I am trying to say that having Bipolar isn't difficult at times.  Do I have struggles specific to being Bipolar?  Sure, but everyone has their own struggles that they deal with behind closed doors whether they have a mental illness or not.  As I have said before my "mental illness" makes me unique not sick.  Not "special needs".  I am Special!  I love to see myself as special, unique, awesome!  And I am different, but in a good way, not in a "needs" way.

So the next time you think about classifying someone, or you hear someone being classified think twice.  Just because someone has an "illness" doesn't mean they are sick or different or special needs.  It is just a part of them.  

So much to be thankful for

Recently I have had the bad habit of seeing the things we don't have, seeing everything as a problem and forgetting that we have oh so many blessings in our lives.  So since we just celebrated Thanksgiving, and in an effort to be in a more Christ like mood for this Christmas season I have decided to make a thankfulness blog.

First off I am thankful for family.  We haven't always gotten to spend the holidays with family but this year we got to spend Thanksgiving Day with both sides of my family.  And then we got such a special treat yesterday.  We missed Jeremy's family Thanksgiving because of time off issues but his cousin Eileen and her family made a special stop in Twin Falls to spend the night so that we could drive over and spend some time with them.  We are still sad that we didn't get to see the rest of the family but we are so blessed to have seen Eileen, Brian and the kids.  It was a wonderful, although much too short, visit and we all now know that we like 5 Guys Burgers.

I am also thankful for our health.  Even though I seem to have passed my recent cold on to Jeremy we are both relatively healthy.  I think of friends and family who have been or are battling such horrible health problems such as cancer and diabetes and I am so thankful that we don't face any of these problems.  Along with this I am thankful that I am able to be stable with my Bipolar and live a happy functional life.  Sure there are ups and downs but overall we are happy and healthy and I thank God for that.

I am thankful for our house.  It's warm, has the fireplace I've always wanted, and other then having a dishwasher it is pretty much our dream home.  We have dreamed since we got married of moving out of town and having a place where we could raise our own animals.  Now goats weren't always part of the dream but I am so thankful for our three little goats who give us milk that we can use for so many purposes.  Horses were always in the plan and I am thankful for Cimmy and Charlie who both have such wonderful personalities and have each bonded to one of use so that we have his and her's horses.  And of course we can not forget our puppies.  As I write this the puppies are at my mom and dad's house because they babysat them so we could go see Eileen and family.  I miss them and their cuddles so much and cannot wait to go pick them up when I finish writing this.  Both dogs have adjusted so well to being farm dogs although I will say Jynx is still our little princess and definitely is the "Green Acres" girl.  Little Copper dog has become a regular little farm boy.  He rolls in things I'd rather he didn't, sniffs EVERYTHING, and makes sure all of his animals are accounted for each time he goes outside.  I honestly don't know what I would do without out animals.

I am thankful for both of our jobs.  We are both very happy where we are at.  Jeremy is still working at CAL Ranch and he loves it.  He enjoys his coworkers and he loves learning more and more about animal health and being able to pass his knowledge on to his customers.  Camp Hippo is my dream job and I'm so glad that we were at a point in our lives to be able to move here for this job when it came open.  I love each and every one of "my kids" even on the days that I'm ready to pull my hair out.  I work with a great bunch of therapists who I am always learning so much from.  And being able to take my Copper dog to work with me is definitely a benefit not to mention all the other animals I get to interact with there.

I am thankful to be able to learn new things.  We both enjoy learning and trying new things and our next adventure is make goats milk soap.  We've been doing lots of research and hope to soon make our first batch.  I will try to remember to take pictures so I can post about our adventure.

Above all I am thankful that I am married to my best friend.  There is no one else that I would want to spend the rest of forever with.  I love the long talks we have about random things and I love that I can discuss anything with him.  Even if it is something from my research for work he will ask questions and learn right along with me.  I am so thankful to be on this adventure of life with such a smart, kind, funny, loving man.

There are so many more things that I am thankful for including my faith, my friends, my car, having a freezer full of food, my electric blanket, I could go on and on.  But no one has that kind of time to read about my every little blessing.  I am so thankful to be able to count my blessings and to have a husband who helps me see that I really do have so many blessings.  Even in our trials we are truly blessed and honestly when I step back and look at like the things I see as trials are so very small compared to the blessings.