I put my heart into my dancing and I really loved it. And for the most part I went through my dance classes with the same group of girls. We all just moved up together. And in that group what we all looked forward to was our seventh grade year because that was the year that we would be able to get toe shoes. And really what kind of ballerina doesn't wear toe shoes?
So the anticipated time arrived and we were talked to about toe shoes. We were educated that there were certain qualifications we had to meet before we could get our toe shoes. You may have seen a meme on Facebook showing a ballerinas feet and saying something about the sacrifices because toe shoes are very hard on your feet. And really your legs, knees and hips. Our bodies just weren't made to wear toe shoes. The teacher I took dance classes from was older and believed that you needed to be physically ready for toe shoes in order to increase your chances of safely and successfully dancing. So we were presented with the physical tasks that we would have to complete in order to qualify for toes shoes. That first year only half of the class was able to qualify and the other half of us although bummed were ok because we knew we would qualify the next year.
The next year came and more girls qualified for toe shoes, but not me. Because I'm so tall and had grown so fast my joints just didn't have the stability that they needed to have for toe shoes. According to my teacher I was a sprained ankle waiting to happen. And to get to the point of this story I never got to wear toe shoes. And it was pretty devistating. And at one point my teacher told me that being in flat shoes wasn't so bad because I made a good "base dancer" and that was an important roll as well. But here is what I heard as a 16 year old girl, "You don't have the skills to be a real ballerina but that's ok because your big and do a great job in the same position that is usually filled by male ballet dancers." It just wasn't what I wanted to hear.
I know all of that seems probably random and dumb but I really do have a point here. Proverbs 3:5-7 reads,
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil."
Recently at church we have been discussing Gods plan and what Jesus, in the Gospels, is asking us to do in order to be his disciples. And as we were discussing the fact that we have to give up our plans and our desires and dedicate ourselves to His plan for us the above information came to my mind in the way that it relates to my life right now.
And there is more to my dancing analogy. Because I was never going to get my toe shoes I chose to put a lot more dedication into my tapping. Like I said earlier I even had aspirations to audition at Radio City. I told my parents about it and I told my dance teacher. They were all supportive. My dance teacher started helping me to work on specific things I would need in order to make this dream a possibility. And then the summer before my senior year my mom helped me find information about auditions so that I could start preparing to audition the following summer. And that is when my balloon burst. Due to the nature of the Rocketts they have specific physical requirements one of which is a height limit. At the time that I was wanting to try out you had to be between 5'7" and 5'10" (I think it was 5'7", I wasn't super concerned about the bottom height). I am 6' tall and all in a matter of minutes there was my other dancing desire gone out the window.
And now I will tie this all together. God is like our dance teacher. He knows what we need and He knows where we need to go in this life. He won't force us to follow the path He has set for us. That is a choice we have to make. If we really want to wear those toe shoes He isn't going to stop us, but He also isn't going to prevent any sprained knees or broken ankles that we get as a result of our choice. When we chose to sin and stray from His Word there will always be consequences. At the same time when we follow Him and strive to live a Christ like life that does not mean that we will receive what we want or that our way will be easy. In fact we know that following Jesus is not easy. There are many many references in the Bible that affirm that struggles and persecution are par for the course in the life of Jesus' followers. But ultimately God has a great plan for our lives.
I am in no way anywhere near the place that I would be in this life if I were the one making the plans and receiving the desires of my heart. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined my life being where it is now. But I LOVE where I am now. Well, mostly. I still wish that God would have answered some of my prayers in a different manner. I still pray for things that I desire even though up to this point those desires have not been met in the slightest. But as I count my blessings and reflect on where I've been and where I am now I cannot deny that I am more blessed than I deserve. I have had wonderful opportunities in my life and even when I wasn't trying to follow God he still saved me from situations that could have been disastrous even though I thought those were the things I wanted. I wanted the "toe shoes" and the title "Rockett" but God knew that I was a much better "base". And He has put me in a place now where although my prayers are not being answered the the way I would like, I am receiving answers to prayer that I never even considered.
So although we may be striving for the toe shoes God knows what our most beautiful dance will look like.
